On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were dividing up four boxes of tree decorations. Kit, now living independently, wanted to set up her own Christmas tree. Unpacking the ornaments brought back memories of past losses and grief for children no longer present during the holidays.
Over eight years, our family grew and shrank with the arrival of 23 foster children. Most placements were temporary, and during that time, our two children joined our family through adoption. I was amazed to see that Kit remembered the stories behind each homemade ornament, even from makers she had never met. It was surprising to find out that her holiday recollections differed from mine.
In one box, I found a tree topper we received during our first Christmas as a married couple. As I held the cracked angel ornament, memories flooded back. Despite being held together by Krazy Glue, our marriage could not be saved. Passing the angel to Kit, I wondered if she would want it in its fragile state. Her eyes sparkled under her festive hat as she gladly accepted it.
“Mom, remember how I always wanted to be the one to place the angel on top of the tree? I thought I’d never reach it.” We shared a laugh. “You’ve grown enough now, right?” And so, the angel went to Kit.
Opening another tin, I discovered a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament. Crafted by an eight-year-old boy we fostered, it was made from foam blocks and pipe cleaners at a Christmas party. Recalling the emotions tied to his departure from our home, I felt a mix of sorrow and frustration. Despite not being able to see him or speak with him after he left, we hoped he knew how much we cared for him.
Sensing my change in mood, Kit took the Santa decoration from me. “You always placed this near the bottom of the tree for me to play with. I love this guy. Look at the flames at the back of the sleigh – just like in the movie.”
Learning to make the holidays inclusive for the foster children in our care was a priority for our family. We adjusted our Christmas dinner timing so that the children could spend time with their families on Christmas and Boxing Day. We started a tradition of giving each child unique ornaments to keep as a memory of their time with us.
Retrieving a reindeer ornament made of pompoms, ribbon, googly eyes, and pipe cleaners, I remembered my son’s nickname for it. Dividing ornaments was not new to me, as I had done it years ago during my divorce. Kit’s reflection on the ornaments brought a new perspective from her experiences.
This year’s tree decorating will be different, with Kit’s joyful outlook overshadowing any lingering sadness. I look forward to seeing her tree adorned with memories.